Happy Britain Day to all my readers

I've probably got the date wrong, but wishing each other a Happy Britain Day is something that the Labour Party's Nat Bashing wing wants us to get use to doing, so today is as good a day to start practicing as any other.

Like most who have been at the grindstone, I welcome any extra public holiday, the UK has fewer than many other countries. As most of us don't celebrate the birth of Christ at Christmas or remember Christ's death on Good Friday, what makes the Labour party think that we will celebrate Britain on Britain Day? Harold Wilson's government tried the same trick of abusing Bank Holiday's for political gain during the last Labour administration, by giving us the nearest Monday to May 1st - Labour day - as a day off. Fat lot of good it did him, only the loony left still remember the political significance of the Early Spring Bank Holiday now.

Apart from sending greetings and swapping truly British presents like Blackpool Rock and Tower of London Snowstorms what else can we do on Britain Day?

Well we can do those things that only Brits can do, like cross generation activities (that means you young buggers showing some respect to old farts like me), community regeneration and voluntary activities, the sort of thing that makes us proud to be British. But don't let you voluntary activities involve things like Amnesty International, the International Red Cross or Médecins Sans Frontières; they're hardly British are they? So obviously undeserving of support on Britain Day.

We must, of course, use Britain Day to remember those historical events that put the Great into Great Britain. The Massacre at Amritsar, the Concentration Camps in South Africa, the Genocide of Tasmanian aboriginals, etc.

The other fantastic thing about Britain Day is that it will be the annual pinnacle for those who wish to become British via the Clubcard scheme, where you earn points for being truly British. Shame about Mohammed Ashgar AM and Bashir Ahmad MSP, you two have certainly pissed on your chips by claiming to be Welsh and Scottish rather than true Brits, no Clubcard points for you!